You People are Nerds

So I posted a poll because it looked fun. The number 1 thing you would do if you could do anything: Learn to speak another language. I voted to become a beet farmer.

I got a camera

I got a new camera and it is cool. Here are some pictures. These are the best out of like a gazillion I've taken.

First Motorcycle

So I sold my motorcycle. It was bittersweet. I really enjoyed the bike when I had it, but I never had time to ride it. I honestly believe it increased my cool-factor. So I'm left without a motorcycle and coolness :(

Something incredibly ironic did happen though. I actually had refused to sell my motorcycle to someone because they are somewhat close to me. I was afraid they would be careless and end up hurting themselves on it. The irony came when I sold the motorcycle to someone else. The guy came to my house, we signed the papers, he handed over the money, and then he wrecked the motorcycle. Seriously, the guy pulling out of my driveway ran into the trailer across the street. There are more details that I won't post here, but it was funny. I felt bad for the guy, and at the same time a little worried. I mean how weird is it that I sell it to a guy who immediately wrecks it?

The crash went something like this...

The Bear

Restless in sleep, restless in life. Night sometimes brings hopeless. The kind of hopeless feeling that can only be described as "evil". The day brings stresses of its own, but nothing compared to night.

It all starts with restlessness. My mind spins uncontrollably, jumping from thought to thought. None are positive. All thoughts center on tasks; this must be done, then this, oh I have to do this, don't forget this. On and on and on. I imagine this is my worst nightmare. Living a life of empty tasks where nothing is meaningful. Nothing brings me towards my goals. Then I come to my senses, briefly. "Chillax Zane, worry about it tomorrow". And I will.

I drift off. I was camping in the Wind River Range in Wyoming (just outside of Lander). In the middle of the night a grizzly bear got into our food. My fellow campers and I fled to a nearby hill where we spent the night in fear. Not pure fear of the bear, but fear of getting in his way. Bears sometimes have a hard time telling the difference between friend and foe. In the morning we awoke to a trampled campsite. As we begin to gather ourselves, the bear returns. This time he was behind us, ready to fight for what he thought was rightfully his.

My mind shifts. Back to sleep, back to worry. Non-stop pounding on the doors of my heart. Something inside my heart begs to be set free. I know exactly what it is. The thought brings joy and hope. But then its tainted. I feel sorrow again because I can't let go, just not yet. I'm not ready. It shouts "LET GO". NO. I've got myself into this, I must get myself out. I awake again. I plead, "God ease my mind. Give me rest. I know I'm unworthy of your mercy and grace, but pleeeeaaaseee..."

Back to sleep. I squirm in my bed. As I squirm so does a figure in front of me. In the same movement, the same rhythm, the same feeling of desperation, the figure in front of me matches me perfectly. I turn on the light and I see the figure clearly. It is the pelt of a grizzly bear, hanging in a closet, freshly harvested from the Earth. Bold black x's cover the eyes. The bear is dead.

I wake up again. Now I'm typing. I don't know what this dream means. I don't know why I get attacked like this. These nights expose so much. I feel like I've been laid bare and all of my faults, problems, stresses are in front of me. I want to cry. I want to shout. I want resolve.

I know it won't happen. Not tonight anyway. Life is process, so I'm learning. Nothing is fixed magically in a split-decision.

The bear scared me. So I post the happiest bear I could find at 2 am.

Grace and peace, Zane