A Time to Rock

Let me give you some background into my music career.

I started playing the drums when I was in 4th grade. For Christmas that year my mom bought me a snare drum. I started taking lessons, but they didn't last very long because the instructor was a burned out pot-smoking McDonald's-type. Soon enough I was just jamming on my own. I played that drum non-stop. I would create patterns and rhythms to songs that didn't even make sense and certainly did not accompany the song itself.

I was happy with my one drum, and I had no idea my mother had plans to purchase a full kit. She just couldn't afford to buy it all at once so the guy at the music shop (a tiny local shop that is no longer in business) allowed my mom to purchase one drum at a time until we had a full set. By my birthday the next year I had a bass drum and a high-hat. On Christmas I got my crash and ride cymbals. Finally, by 6th grade I had a full set.

For some reason there is something about waiting for my full kit that really made me love the drums. At the time the only room in the house I could keep my kit was in the living room. So everyday my mom would get home from work and my brother would get home from football and I'd be sitting there, stereo blasting to Hendrix or Black Sabbath or Pearl Jam and I'd just be rocking out. I remember my mom would give me like 20 or 30 minutes and then she'd yell "That's ENOOOUUUGGHHHH". My brother, being a typical older brother, would say mean stuff like "Mom tell him to quit he's never going to be any good". Of course that didn't stop my brother from recruiting me to his band when he started one when I was in 6th grade. I remember those days, how much I loved playing the drums.

Of course I grew up, got a job, got a girlfriend, got a Playstation, found Jesus. All of these things distracted me from playing the drums. I remember the highlight of my day would be getting home early in the afternoon and having 1 or 2 hours to practice all to myself. Then things changed and I changed. I no longer practiced everyday but I kept playing in bands. My brother's band (Golem) cost me $175 to record a demo before Zak went off to college while my other band (Ember) was just ramping up. Things were good musically. It was these days that shaped my taste in music that still persists today. I love hardcore, hard rock, and classic rock. That's because I played it in bands and at home with headphones.

I guess that's why I still do it today. I love music and I love playing music. When I was looking for a house to buy, the first (some would argue the only) thing I was looking for was a room to put my drums. I don't care about hardwood floors or crown molding or granite counter tops. I have all of that and it is nice, but I really needed a room that didn't touch outside walls to keep as my drum room.

There's just something special about stepping behind that kit, turning into a kid again, and just going bananas. I'm not the fastest, most technical, best sounding player by any means. But I play with heart. I don't care about mistakes because I'm usually too much into the music and the raw feeling of sticks on drums to notice. Every time I dream about winning the lottery the first thing I buy is a bunch of drums.

Truly a love of my life.

Quick Updates

Well I wanted to post something rather than nothing, so here are some quick life updates. In the past 10 days...

- Youth Specialties was truly amazing. Surrounding myself with best friends in a magnificent city and being passionately immersed into a ministry culture that still feels fresh and life giving after 5 1/2 years was nice :)

- Thanksgiving was also excellent. Mad props to the wonderful folks and wonderful food and lots of laughs.

- Grandma died, which sucks. The worst part is the event highlights the broken communication with my dad and his family. It feels like pushing snowballs uphill...sometimes you work so hard to gain so little ground.

- NOLA with my mom and Leo. It was a long day of driving but totally worth it. Got some great fried chicken at Fiorella's. By the way the French Quarter is full of life and beautiful this time of year.

- Bama won. Woot Woot.

- Put up Christmas lights on my house for the first time in my life and it looks awesome (only to be outdone by Josh and Johnathan decorating the inside.) The house looks amazing, you simply must stop by and check out our take on Christmas decorations.

- Prayer life has been awesome since YS. I got back into the habit of meditating and praying every (almost) night. Good good stuff. I meditated for around 20 minutes last night, really good stuff.

- Nicks grandma died. What the crap Jesus? Feel bad for him, I think he was closer to his than I was to mine.

- Granddaddy Jim (Jordan, Jarrod, Devin's granddad) is in the hospital. Seriously, Jesus?

- Back on the diet. Go me.

Whew...there's more but I think that's enough for now.

New Job Update

I realize I haven't posted any news about the new job. The basics: I really like the job because of the people. Big surprise there right? The work is better. I am enjoying it more and I can definitely see the potential for it to be more rewarding than my previous job. But I just don't care about any of that. I enjoy people and the people at my new job are cool.

After being here a few weeks I feel like I've learned a little bit about most of the people I work with. There is a fellow Eagle Scout and he serves as my quasi-manager. He is also into some cool jams (he gave me all of Dropkick Murphy's cds.) There are two people, one older and one younger, who are strong believers. Typically that doesn't matter much to me, but somehow there's a level of comfort by having people around who just "get it." My lifestyle often generates a lot of curious questions from people who don't. One my favorite peeps is this super cool/mellow little hippie guy who plays bass in a couple bands. We talk about music, guns, Tuscaloosa, and anything in between. There's a young gentleman who plays WoW and is awaiting the release of StarCraft II, and therefore I immediately formed a friendship with him. I also work with a fellow iPhoner and he has become the funniest guys in the office to me. Whatever he says crack me up, I've left crying a few times...great guy. There is a die-hard Auburn fan who seems to be in denial and though I don't work with him much he seems pretty sure of himself. Finally my boss, who I know the least about but that might be a good thing.

So there you go. No major incidents thus far. I did fall out of my chair once and knock down my white-board which was embarrassing, but I got over it.

Take It Back!

On Friday night we played with Take It Back! It was one of the most enjoyable shows I've had with SZ. I really enjoyed meeting the band and catching up with the guys. They all seemed down to Earth just all around good guys.

During the show they mentioned the reasons the band was formed. TIB was formed because the hardcore scene has lost its love for God. Contrary to what many people believe hardcore is deeply rooted in a punk movement towards God (and other alternative lifestyles). The fact remains that while many punk/hardcore kids were turning towards partying, many were turning to celibate/drug-free/Christian ideals. Some were Christian, some were not, but many were embracing a life of love and clean-living in order to achieve a fulfillment that's not possible with drugs/booze/sex. The scene has definitely walked away from that...at least it has in Birmingham and Fayetville, AR where TIB is from.

It was a just a breathe for fresh air to hear another band speak of that. I know we talk about in our lyrics, but TIB in a subtle way called out a lot of people. I love the music behind hardcore, but the passion and message is more important. Bands have stopped standing for things, and just started acting like Rock Stars...and it is really getting old.

TIB stands for Truth and "reformation" in the scene. I'm on board with them.

Good Leadership

Proverbs 20:28 - "Love and truth form a good leader; sound leadership is founded on loving integrity."

For some reason I am really struggling with my leadership role at church. I just assumed it would be an easy transition and my role would not change that much. I was recklessly wrong.

I found this scripture yesterday. There is so much information in the Bible about leadership but for some reason this verse stuck out to me. I feel I should reevaluate my actions in light of these things, starting with love.

Love after all is the most important commandment according to Jesus. I should show my team and students that I love them. Even when I disagree or see a need for correction, my actions should be dictated by the same divine Love that corrects me.

Secondly is Truth. I left Wyoming with such a charisma for honesty, and yet somehow the opportunity to impart that has slipped through my fingers. I believe honesty is key to having a successful team. Yet I find myself holding my tongue or holding back words because it is more difficult to be honest than it is to be civil with one another. Man I need to grow a pair already.

Reckless. Lee was reckless. He was reckless in loving others because he would fight to the death for anyone he led. He was reckless for being true with others because he was a severely honest person. I should have been taking notes.

Grace and Peace, Zane

Twenty-Somethings

I am almost 25. Hol-eee-crap. It is kinda scary...

I talked with Mike last night. He asked me questions like "what is your vision for your life", "what are your dreams". I had no real responses, because I don't know. Mike related to that. He's been there too. Mike said he remembers at one point in his 20s feeling like he had no clue what the future held for him. After he began in ministry and he began the struggle to find passion and purpose he recalls feeling unsatisfied and lost. "Is this ever going to end?" his emotions would say. I can relate to that.

My life has been college for 4 years then working for over 2. My parents gracefully pushed me into independence and life smacked me in the face. I can no longer afford to be irresponsible and now that I have the responsibility I finally have to decide for myself. What do I want?

Being twenty-something. Oh the decisions. Oh the responsibilities. Yet the opportunities. The world is at our fingertips and we have no clue what to do.

Galveston Pictures

Finally got around to uploading some Galveston pictures. If you have any question about the pictures just ask, I didn't feel like adding captions. A lot of the stuff pictured is stuff my mom is having to throw away. The water that came into the house was full of petroleum products and bacteria, so if it touched the water it has to be destroyed.

Candidate Matching Game

I promise I'm not trying to push my presidential candidate. I just took this quiz and thought the results were so stereotypical it was hilarious. If you know anything about me at all you can name my candidate without even thinking about it. It is also quit humorous to me that the one area I disagreed with my candidate was on Gay Marriage. My views on homosexuality and gay marriage are the only issues that make me more moderate. If you're interested in the quiz you can take it here.

The Death of the Diet

Have you ever experienced frustration with dieting, working out, or trying to quit smoking, drinking, whatever?

I believe everyone has their vices, and typically people would like to deal with those vices. But what in the hell makes it so hard? It is like I really want to diet. I really want to loose some weight. I really want to work out hard and build some muscle tone. But I always manage to find ways to take it easy on my workouts, or to sneak food, or to ignore my sense of self-discipline.

For a long time I was convinced it all came back to an issue with my heart. I believed that somewhere in my heart there was sin, and it kept me from dealing with these "strongholds" or vices. I call it a stronghold because it is a place the devil has made himself present in my life, and it seems difficult to get him out. They are strongholds of the devil, its just weird to think about it like that.

SO...I'm frustrated with dieting. Again. What's upsetting is I feel like I have been on a strict diet since February, but if you look at what I have been eating you can hardly tell I've been on a diet at all. So mentally I have been trying very hard, but physically I haven't been trying that much.

It is very freakin' frustrating to think about it like that. It is like there's this massive disconnect between my body, my mind, and my spirit. In my mind, I want so badly to do the right thing to meet my goals, but I'm rarely capable of pushing myself to my potential. This struggle makes my body suffer because I'm not pushing as hard, it makes my spirit weak because it is chocked up as another failure, and those both influence my mind. And I find that incredibly ironic because my new years resolution was to get my mind, body, and spirit back to a healthy equilibrium.

"21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

24I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

25The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different."

The resolve is always Christ. I am just finding that hard to be applicable. How is Jesus going to help me stay motivated to eat vegetables instead of M & Ms, eat turkey breast instead of red meat, or put down the caffeine for water? How in the world is my spiritual belief in Christ going to influence my weight loss plan?

I don't know. That's what I'm having trouble with. Maybe that is the issue of my heart. That I don't value Christ highly enough in my life that I find the motivation to keep going. So I momentarily give up. I give up when I sneak M & Ms into my lunch bag. I give up when I skip running on the treadmill. That goes back to Christ. I love God enough to realize I have to be healthy and make some difficult changes in my life, but not enough to follow through with those changes.

Oy, help me God. I want to value Christ more in my life.

iPhone Pic

Bored at work yesterday and I was a little frustrated.

Fun w/ Webcam

Current Dirt

Rather than not posting anything, which I normally do, I decided to post my current dirt. These are the things that are keeping me from God. Inspirational words of wisdom welcome, however your "understanding sympathy" is not. If you understand and sympathize, post your own dirt. Then we can all wallow around in the mess we've made of our lives and together we will realize the magnitude of forgiveness.

- Wishing I had the drive to diet again
- Another Lock-in Friday, I wish I was looking forward to it more
- Feeling lonely, nagging desire for female companionship
- Too many lustful sins and its only Tuesday
- The last thing on the planet I want to do, other than fold clothes, is work on a ministry plan for 2009
- Still trying to catch up on sleep from the Middle School Lock-in, this makes me grumpy
- Thinking about fasting, but I don't really want to
- Two interviews this week, which is ironic because I'm somewhat pleased with my current employer this week
- Rock Band 2 is coming out
- The house needs a good cleaning, which I won't do because I am lazy
- Still a couple thousand dollars floating on my credit card, money always stresses me out
- Setting up interviews while I am at work makes me feel un-ethical
- I cuss too much
- Something has to change about my workouts, because I'm no longer seeing results
- I can not remember the last time I renewed my mind
- I don't feel like talking to anybody
- Right now there is a good chance my mom's house is floating in the Gulf of Mexico
- I wish I had better idea for blog posts, rather than the random updates
- The church website sucks, and its my fault
- In fact, all websites I've ever worked on ever suck...and its all my fault
- I wish I would have gone to school for something else
- Realizing you would be happier working at an Arby's for less than half of what you currently make is depressing

Ahh...now I feel better to let that out. Sometimes it is hard to see God through all of the dirt. The dirty dry reality of our choices leads us down these empty paths of meaningless results. Yet somehow through His infinity we find hope, joy, peace, happiness, kindness, love. Its just hard sometimes to push the dirt out of the way long enough to realize it. Despite myself, I am blessed.

Grace and Peace, Zane

September 11, 2001