My Sheep Will Hear My Voice

So there's this bible verse I've been thinking about lately. It is Jesus talking to his disciples and the religious leaders and he says something like "You crazy pharisees. You don't understand me because you are not my sheep. My sheep will recognize my voice and follow me."*

I have been really struggling with this verse lately. There's one problem in my life I just can't figure out. Well this isn't really a problem as much as it is a fork in the road. I'm not sure which direction to take. There's definitely one path I would prefer, but I'd be cool with the other. Neither of them lead away from righteousness so I can't make decisions on that. But I'm anxious to know which path is right so I can be settled on it. So I pray "Hey God if this isn't right, man close this door. Otherwise tell me what to do! What path do I take?"

So I've been sitting patiently every night (almost) for the last few weeks praying mostly about this one particular thing. I'll sit on my porch, which is the most peaceful place in my life, and just talk to God. Sometimes I'll beg, sometimes I'll whine, and sometimes I'm cool with everything...but I mention this problem every single night.

Now here's an issue mmkay. Some nights I will hear God clear as a bell, and the next I won't. Instead of hearing God clearly I'll hear myself: my heart, my mind, my flesh, the devil, whatever. But I don't always hear God, which really sucks. When I do hear God He doesn't give me the details I want. He just says stuff like "Be patient. You're doing great. I love you. Let go of control." Well that definitely doesn't settle me down hahaha. Which is why I struggle with this verse. I'm God's sheep aren't I? Why don't I always hear and recognize His voice?

At least I'm aware enough to realize the devil speaks to me, and I speak to myself. After all I'm just trying to scam my way into my own selfish desires and not God's. So that's probably the central problem: me wanting my way instead of the Right Way.

So here's another piece of this problem pie. I think the reason I'm staying so "committed" to praying about this, is because I'm hoping God will change His answers to suit my desires. Sounds crazy I know, but I keep praying and I'm sure He's staying the same, but I keep asking JUST IN CASE something changes. To make matters worse God hasn't closed the door to this problem, in fact He might have opened the door in the first place.

"Ugh. You're such an idiot." - Napoleon Dynamite

So the rest of the verse (I suck at) goes kinda like this: "My sheep know and trust my voice. I walk into the pen where they are held and I call them by name. I know them and they know me. I lead them out of the pen and we go for a stroll because they trust me."

God has plans, He really does. And honestly I'm extremely blessed to even have problems like this: things I can take to God and be like "Help me out here." Its a blessing to be surrounded by Godly people that make me grow closer to God, instead of growing closer to myself. So God has this problem all figured out, and if I would just let go of control and follow him out of the freakin' pen then I would realize that.

* Mathew 10:25-30