Hard Water

So there's this story in the Bible that has gotten my attention. Before I get into that I must say I am really pissed at myself. This post is helping me understand the funk I've been in, which you may or may not have noticed. So reader be wary, this is a journal after all.

So back to the story. Around the year 50 there was a booming Christian movement in the world. Churches were being started throughout the Middle East and into Southern Europe. And I'm not talking about giant buildings with amphitheater-style sanctuaries and basketball courts. I'm talking about home churches, where neighbors gathered together to talk about this New Gospel...the story of the Jewish Messiah having come and gone. Among these churches was one in town called Laodicea, which was a Roman town in modern-day Turkey. In fact, you can still visit the ruins of city which are apparently in pretty decent shape.

In the last book of the Bible, Jesus appears and asks that a message be sent to the church in Laodicea. The message is something between an admonishment and a warning. Either way I wouldn't want Jesus writing about my life like this. He says that the although the church appears rich in worldly and spiritual ways it is actually spiritually bankrupt. He says Laodicea is a "blind beggar, threadbare and homeless." Famously Jesus says that the church is lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, and that makes it worthless.

There's a whole lot behind this story that I really don't feel like typing out. In a nutshell though I relate my life directly to what's going on here. In recent weeks I have felt incredibly detached and unsatisfied with my spirit. Contrasting how I feel now with I how I felt a month ago is like comparing night to day. I'm telling you we go through these mountain-top and valley phases, this stuff is for real. In the valley I am seeing some very very bad loopholes with my faith, and they are highlighted by this message to Laodicea.

I see myself: convincingly acting faithful even when I'm faithless, spending more time working for God than making time for God (personally you know), feeling indifferent, there is no color or vibrancy to my faith; giving advice and using words to my students that are bland where there is little meaning. What hurts the most is I feel bankrupt of all compassion. As a youth minister, a functional pastor, it is so dangerous to not have compassion.

So reading this story it definitely feels like this was intended for me. I feel like this message has just shot through the heart (and you're to blame) of my crap. You see I'm not a bad person and I do good things, but I'm not hot and I'm not cold. I'm in the middle. I'm bland. I'm lukewarm. I'm hard water. I'm totally not useful at all in these middle places.

So what's the remedy? How do I become useful again?

I don't know. I'm sure there's something about "seeking" or "obeying" or "listening" that's important. That all sounds like a churchy gush right now. I just want somebody to say "hey if you'd quit being a bum and spend 30 minutes a night with God instead of watching Office reruns you'd probably get more out of these valleys".

It seems I only make time to read the Bible when I want to blog something or have to teach at youth. This stuff should be impacting me daily, as part of the renovation efforts, but I don't make the time. I say that as a confession.

So yeah this post was really really for me. If you're interested there's a great article about the Laodicean Church. I like the explanation of the water duct and hard water, hence the title of this post.