Random Thought

At first this just seemed like a phase I was going through. It was such a random thought I assumed I would eventually forget it and how weird it was.

But this once random day-dream has now become an intriguing little thought.

Sometimes I think...what if I had a tail. Not like a little yorkie nub, or a long straight labrador tail. I mean like a long pelted tail like a lion or a tiger. In my mind, it is silver gray and it reaches all the way past the top of my head. I imagine a lot of people have tails, but not everybody. Being born with a tail is often genetic, but sometimes its random. Having a tail is similar to being red-headed. Only a relatively small percent of the population is with tail. A lot of people think having a tail makes you attractive. Someone even created an artificial tail prosthesis. Some people have dog-like tails, some people have feline-like tails such as mine. The feline tail is highly desirable because it is more flexible, though not as strong as the dog-like tail. My tail got injured a few times. Once playing football it was almost broken by being stepped on. Another time my tail was sprained when Noelle tried to swing from it as I was sitting on the porch at the lake.

Isn't that strange? In my head there is an entire race of humans with tails.

The more I think about this, the more I realize how applicable this is to social science. As a human, without a tail, I often find myself desiring to look like someone else. I want to be thin, I want to be muscular, I want to be taller, I want to have a better nose, red-less ears, thicker hair. Call me superficial, shallow, whatever. But honestly, when you imagine yourself in your dreams do you look exactly like you look in real life? I know I don't.

In my mind, everybody wants to have a tail. No matter how impractical or ridiculous it is, everybody wants a tail.

Interesting fact, I've never seen cats. Which is not exactly relevant because Cats is a story where humans play cats that have human-like qualities. Whereas, in my mind we are humans who have cat/dog like qualities.

Road Trip

I think I'm going to take a road trip. I am pretty sure it would be good to clear my head.

I could start Memorial Day weekend. I might start at the lake, then go see my Grandma in Tonganoxie, KS, make my way down to Galveston,TX to see my folks, and I could top it off with a drive to Amarillo, TX to eat at The Big Texan. If there's time, I could make my way out to Philmont.

I'll need a camera.

Malnutrition?

This is me being sad. For no particular reason I came home from the gym last night in a foul mood. I have been in the same foul mood this morning.

Well, there actually are some pretty good reasons to be sad. First of all, I gained a pound yesterday because I ate like a pig. I went to an "all-you-can-eat" sushi buffet and literally ate "all-that-I-could-eat". For dinner, I had Milo's...double cheeseburger, french fries, extra sauce, apple pie. After all that food, I go to the gym expecting a miracle and what do you know, I gained a pound. At the sight of gaining a pound I loose all confidence in dieting and working out and I resolve within myself that it is all pointless and I should just give up. I came home and put on my sad face.

I hopped in the shower, talked to God a little bit, and decided that it was my fault I gained a pound. I remembered that dieting really is working, and regardless of how much weight I gain or loose it is worth it to live a healthier life. I decided to take a picture of my sad face so that I can document exactly how ridiculous my mood swings are sometimes.

My lymph-nodes are swollen. It took me awhile to decide that those crazy giant bumps in several peculiar places might actually be important. At first i didn't think anything of it. When they didn't "go away" and I decided they were lymph-nodes, I did a little more research. Having lymph-nodes swollen in multiple places is really really not a good thing. From what I gathered off of web-md, it means you either have cancer OR your body is fighting off an infection. Well I haven't been noticeably sick, other than a few sniffles. So I did what all rational men do...I panicked. I started thinking I had cancer. It scared the shit out of me. Then I read another article online that said I should wait at least a month before I officially panicked. Because your lymph-nodes are part of your lymphatic system, they are prone to react to changes in your body's cycles. What I've determined is I have recently drastically changed my physical activities and I've recently struggled with pollen, therefore my lymph-nodes have swollen. I noticed yesterday that they have gone down considerably.

There are two things that I am tired of dealing with; painting the youth room, and girls.

This is a picture of me just after finishing the ceiling in the youth room. My fingernails still have black crap showing. I'm tired of my work-neighbors telling me I should shower. My feet hurt just thinking about painting. I'm tired of stressing over that stupid freaking paint-gun.

Seriously, when I dream, I dream about having a theater where we can play rock band and show movies. I think about the students that could come and enjoy our drinks, our popcorn, and maybe learn a thing or two about Jesus. I guess it doesn't matter how tired I am of painting. The painting is only the process by which we will "earn" a platform for ministry. God has challenged me, and I want to meet that challenge.

I am tired of dealing with girls. I have awesome girls in my life. There's not a single girl-friend (not girlfriend) in my life that I don't love dearly. But really, girls are from another planet. I don't understand. I may never understand. At the peak of my dismay, the point to which I'm ready to give up and never try again, I fall back into "the trap". You know, I've realized that I CAN be single. I've been single for years and years. Last girlfriend -> 1 month ago. Last girlfriend before her -> 6 months. Last girlfriend before her -> 3 years. Last girlfriend before her -> 2 years. I know I can be single. Things are so much more simple when I'm single. Make sense? Of course it doesn't :)

This post is in honor of Kendall and Staci. Both girls. Both crazy. It is impossible for me to completely understand them. Yet I love them both dearly, and they frequently post random factoids about their life. So I decided to imitate.

My Nemesis

These things look evil don't they?

This is an enlarged image of pollen, my current nemesis. I have not been feeling well lately, and as odd as it sounds I pray that it is pollen making me ill and not something more serious. I have all of the typical symptoms so your guess is as good as mine.

Big Fishing Trip

I am going on a big fishing trip this weekend. We are leaving tonight. I am so excited about going, so much so that I can't seem to do anything but think about fish. I really doubt any work will get done today.

So I decided to tell you all about it, and post some pictures from last years trip. That's a picture of me pulling in a brown last year. I let this one go because he wasn't that big. Not a keeper.

In all honesty. I am not really a good fisherman. I just love doing it. I love buying the tackle. I love getting in a boat. I love the action of casting and retrieving. I really love to hook a fish, even if it doesn't happen that often. I love being with the guys.

This is an emotional trip too. Lee took a bunch of us guys fishing to the same place, the same time last year. I remember he pissed me off so bad. By the time we got home I was sick of him. We were in the boat one day, and Chris Alvis and LeAlan were pulling in trout after trout. I was not catching anything. Lee was driving the boat so he wasn't really fishing much, he was letting us do all of the catching. Well I got a little "upset" because I could not hook a fish. Lee finally got tired of my bitching and he said "give me yer rod". So I gave him my rod. Literally, the first cast he hooked a big rainbow trout. Bigger than anything I had caught the entire trip. My ears turned blood red. He pulled the fish in and handed it to me to put in the live well. Then he just kind of smiled, that stupid/goofy smart-ass smile. There was this awkward silence for a moment. Lee then just handed me my rod, and I resumed fishing. I finally got into a rhythm after that.

On the drive home, LeAlan and I were two seconds from pulling the car over and walking home. Chris and Lee talked non-stop on the drive. Telling lame fish story after story. And none of them were true. LeAlan gave me this look that said "omg I'm going to go insane". I agreed.

Well we all know what happened two weeks after we got home. Somehow, that made our fishing trip that much more special. I cherish those memories now. It was absolutely everything I want to remember Lee for. This year, the same crew is going back. Same place. Same lodge. Just minus Lee. It is almost like a tribute to be going. I feel compelled to go. If they had told me at work that I can't take the time off, I would have quit. I'm sure we'll tell Lee stories. I'm sure I'll cry at least once for missing him. At the end of the day though, I hope to honor him by catching a fish :)

Peace and Grace, Zane