Good Leadership

Proverbs 20:28 - "Love and truth form a good leader; sound leadership is founded on loving integrity."

For some reason I am really struggling with my leadership role at church. I just assumed it would be an easy transition and my role would not change that much. I was recklessly wrong.

I found this scripture yesterday. There is so much information in the Bible about leadership but for some reason this verse stuck out to me. I feel I should reevaluate my actions in light of these things, starting with love.

Love after all is the most important commandment according to Jesus. I should show my team and students that I love them. Even when I disagree or see a need for correction, my actions should be dictated by the same divine Love that corrects me.

Secondly is Truth. I left Wyoming with such a charisma for honesty, and yet somehow the opportunity to impart that has slipped through my fingers. I believe honesty is key to having a successful team. Yet I find myself holding my tongue or holding back words because it is more difficult to be honest than it is to be civil with one another. Man I need to grow a pair already.

Reckless. Lee was reckless. He was reckless in loving others because he would fight to the death for anyone he led. He was reckless for being true with others because he was a severely honest person. I should have been taking notes.

Grace and Peace, Zane

Youth and the InnerChange

I just responded to an email from Mike. I feel exhausted. You know how sometimes you get rolling on a thought and you keep writing...and writing...and writing.

There's a lot of youth that come to our church. A lot. Sit with Josh sometime and go through the pictures he has. Go to our myspace. Go to Jenny's site. Go to battleground or the Fish. I would say in the last five years, since the InnerChange has been alive, we have ministered to THOUSANDS of students. Maybe more. And we HAVE seen lives changed. We HAVE seen disciples being born.

And we've seen hurt. We've lived through the downs of life and the pits of death.

I think the ICY team is getting burned out. We've been carrying a heavy load...school, work, painting, cleaning, planning, teaching, relationship drama, life drama. And then I sit here and I take a second...just a second...to reflect on what has happened and what God has done. And then I remember, I'm not done yet. There is more to do.

When Lee went to heaven I know God said "well done my good and faithful servant". He and Cathy did a great job. All of the students, all of the youth ministries, Lee had a hand in. He built the first skate park for crying out loud. He started ICY in Mike's garage. He planned with Jennifer to get the Fish at the IC. Now God has brought him home, and He has entrusted this wonderful thing to us.

There is a mountain to climb to attain our goals. There's a lot more that needs to be done. More planning, more painting, more cleaning, more building, more systems. But all of that is to bring to life the vision that God has given us. And He has given us vision. I know it.

There is a time for rebuilding our Jerusalem. Our sacred city of refuge from the world, our place of worship. That time is now. (my interpretation of Micah 7:11)

Malnutrition?

This is me being sad. For no particular reason I came home from the gym last night in a foul mood. I have been in the same foul mood this morning.

Well, there actually are some pretty good reasons to be sad. First of all, I gained a pound yesterday because I ate like a pig. I went to an "all-you-can-eat" sushi buffet and literally ate "all-that-I-could-eat". For dinner, I had Milo's...double cheeseburger, french fries, extra sauce, apple pie. After all that food, I go to the gym expecting a miracle and what do you know, I gained a pound. At the sight of gaining a pound I loose all confidence in dieting and working out and I resolve within myself that it is all pointless and I should just give up. I came home and put on my sad face.

I hopped in the shower, talked to God a little bit, and decided that it was my fault I gained a pound. I remembered that dieting really is working, and regardless of how much weight I gain or loose it is worth it to live a healthier life. I decided to take a picture of my sad face so that I can document exactly how ridiculous my mood swings are sometimes.

My lymph-nodes are swollen. It took me awhile to decide that those crazy giant bumps in several peculiar places might actually be important. At first i didn't think anything of it. When they didn't "go away" and I decided they were lymph-nodes, I did a little more research. Having lymph-nodes swollen in multiple places is really really not a good thing. From what I gathered off of web-md, it means you either have cancer OR your body is fighting off an infection. Well I haven't been noticeably sick, other than a few sniffles. So I did what all rational men do...I panicked. I started thinking I had cancer. It scared the shit out of me. Then I read another article online that said I should wait at least a month before I officially panicked. Because your lymph-nodes are part of your lymphatic system, they are prone to react to changes in your body's cycles. What I've determined is I have recently drastically changed my physical activities and I've recently struggled with pollen, therefore my lymph-nodes have swollen. I noticed yesterday that they have gone down considerably.

There are two things that I am tired of dealing with; painting the youth room, and girls.

This is a picture of me just after finishing the ceiling in the youth room. My fingernails still have black crap showing. I'm tired of my work-neighbors telling me I should shower. My feet hurt just thinking about painting. I'm tired of stressing over that stupid freaking paint-gun.

Seriously, when I dream, I dream about having a theater where we can play rock band and show movies. I think about the students that could come and enjoy our drinks, our popcorn, and maybe learn a thing or two about Jesus. I guess it doesn't matter how tired I am of painting. The painting is only the process by which we will "earn" a platform for ministry. God has challenged me, and I want to meet that challenge.

I am tired of dealing with girls. I have awesome girls in my life. There's not a single girl-friend (not girlfriend) in my life that I don't love dearly. But really, girls are from another planet. I don't understand. I may never understand. At the peak of my dismay, the point to which I'm ready to give up and never try again, I fall back into "the trap". You know, I've realized that I CAN be single. I've been single for years and years. Last girlfriend -> 1 month ago. Last girlfriend before her -> 6 months. Last girlfriend before her -> 3 years. Last girlfriend before her -> 2 years. I know I can be single. Things are so much more simple when I'm single. Make sense? Of course it doesn't :)

This post is in honor of Kendall and Staci. Both girls. Both crazy. It is impossible for me to completely understand them. Yet I love them both dearly, and they frequently post random factoids about their life. So I decided to imitate.