Good Leadership

Proverbs 20:28 - "Love and truth form a good leader; sound leadership is founded on loving integrity."

For some reason I am really struggling with my leadership role at church. I just assumed it would be an easy transition and my role would not change that much. I was recklessly wrong.

I found this scripture yesterday. There is so much information in the Bible about leadership but for some reason this verse stuck out to me. I feel I should reevaluate my actions in light of these things, starting with love.

Love after all is the most important commandment according to Jesus. I should show my team and students that I love them. Even when I disagree or see a need for correction, my actions should be dictated by the same divine Love that corrects me.

Secondly is Truth. I left Wyoming with such a charisma for honesty, and yet somehow the opportunity to impart that has slipped through my fingers. I believe honesty is key to having a successful team. Yet I find myself holding my tongue or holding back words because it is more difficult to be honest than it is to be civil with one another. Man I need to grow a pair already.

Reckless. Lee was reckless. He was reckless in loving others because he would fight to the death for anyone he led. He was reckless for being true with others because he was a severely honest person. I should have been taking notes.

Grace and Peace, Zane

Big Fishing Trip

I am going on a big fishing trip this weekend. We are leaving tonight. I am so excited about going, so much so that I can't seem to do anything but think about fish. I really doubt any work will get done today.

So I decided to tell you all about it, and post some pictures from last years trip. That's a picture of me pulling in a brown last year. I let this one go because he wasn't that big. Not a keeper.

In all honesty. I am not really a good fisherman. I just love doing it. I love buying the tackle. I love getting in a boat. I love the action of casting and retrieving. I really love to hook a fish, even if it doesn't happen that often. I love being with the guys.

This is an emotional trip too. Lee took a bunch of us guys fishing to the same place, the same time last year. I remember he pissed me off so bad. By the time we got home I was sick of him. We were in the boat one day, and Chris Alvis and LeAlan were pulling in trout after trout. I was not catching anything. Lee was driving the boat so he wasn't really fishing much, he was letting us do all of the catching. Well I got a little "upset" because I could not hook a fish. Lee finally got tired of my bitching and he said "give me yer rod". So I gave him my rod. Literally, the first cast he hooked a big rainbow trout. Bigger than anything I had caught the entire trip. My ears turned blood red. He pulled the fish in and handed it to me to put in the live well. Then he just kind of smiled, that stupid/goofy smart-ass smile. There was this awkward silence for a moment. Lee then just handed me my rod, and I resumed fishing. I finally got into a rhythm after that.

On the drive home, LeAlan and I were two seconds from pulling the car over and walking home. Chris and Lee talked non-stop on the drive. Telling lame fish story after story. And none of them were true. LeAlan gave me this look that said "omg I'm going to go insane". I agreed.

Well we all know what happened two weeks after we got home. Somehow, that made our fishing trip that much more special. I cherish those memories now. It was absolutely everything I want to remember Lee for. This year, the same crew is going back. Same place. Same lodge. Just minus Lee. It is almost like a tribute to be going. I feel compelled to go. If they had told me at work that I can't take the time off, I would have quit. I'm sure we'll tell Lee stories. I'm sure I'll cry at least once for missing him. At the end of the day though, I hope to honor him by catching a fish :)

Peace and Grace, Zane

to be blessed

In honor of this being Easter weekend, I am going to take a moment and reflect on where I am spiritually right now...

For some reason I want to compare "to be blessed" with "to be continued". I guess that's where I am spiritually right now, it is "to be continued".

I feel like I was running through the desert in 2006. I was in some dry spots, there wasn't anything very refreshing spiritually, no water, no shade (I was constantly in the heat), I could relax a little at night when I could hide from the sun. But I was making progress in that desert. I was running when I could. Pushing forward, forcing myself to to go farther, forcing myself to keep on going no matter what. Never give up, never give in (as I've heard a famous lyricist once say).

Just as in 2006, I started off running in 2007. I was moving and shaking. Making good decisions, making progress. Finally, I found some contentment with the desert I was in. I had found some friends along the way. I wasn't alone anymore. Finally I had people to share with. People who knew what commitment it took to keep running. I started to believe that I could live in the desert, that I could survive there. I started to slow down, I didn't stop running, but I switched from a sprint to a jog. Finally, some relief.

And then it happened. Whooosh. Quicksand. In an instant, I lost complete control. Up to my neck in hot muddy sand. Something had happened to me in that desert that literally stopped my spiritual journey all together. 2007 was bleak after that. No running. No water. Exhaustion from it all. The weight of the sand on my chest squeezed me. I had little left. I've been in this quicksand, unable to fight back. Knowing the struggle of getting out might take my life, but sitting in this hot box trap is not a healthy way to live.

There's always hope...

Slowly. I recover. I realize that I'm not alone in this sand trap. I have friends who have fallen too. Though I may not be able to lift myself out, I know that we can lift each other out. We lose some along the way. Together we grab hold, cling together, fighting with passion and persistence. Together we refuse to give in to death.

Now I'm close to being completely out. I'm no longer sinking. I'm starting to recover, to regain strength, to regain passion. I start to jog. Suddenly I stop looking back at the death that lays behind, and I look towards the path in front of me. I see a jungle. It is very green, full of sweet fruits, and refreshing water. I thirst for the jungle. I see it clearly now. Soon I will begin sprinting again.

In the back of my mind I know the jungle presents challenges. There are dangers waiting for me in there as well, but there's also nourishment. Its where I'm called to survive. I'm not a desert dweller, I'm a jungle lover. The jungle is where I was born.

The jungle is imminent now. I will be there soon. God will bring the jungle to me, I know it. I believe it in faith. He trusts me though I do not trust myself. He encourages me even when I discourage myself. He is my rescuer. He is my resolve.

Anyway, big Easters plans?

Zane