Ministry Support?

So I've found myself in a quandary. What am I supposed to do about ministry? Believe me when I say that I really want to be a full-time minister. But I have tried (and failed) to come up with ways to sustain myself in ministry and I simply can't seem to make the numbers fit. But I have a good job and some great friends and life should be great and when the time is right the church will pay my way and things will be dandy.

Then I go and hang out with my students. When I’m with them outside of church and outside of your typical ministry activities I feel incredibly selfish. Do you know the term abandonment? Believe me when I use this term as I don’t take it very lightly. Last night I picked up a student and three of his friends. At any given time there are between 3 and 9 students living at this particular house. That night not everybody could go because my truck only holds five. All of these kids that stay there have been abandoned. The house where they stay has two adults living there, and not to be overly critical but I would hardly call them parents. I won’t divulge details but let’s leave it at the fact that nine times out of ten when I’m over there the mom is nowhere to be found and the step-dad (who didn’t father any of these kids) is drunk and doesn’t care about anything.

So back to the kid that needed a ride. He needed a ride to his house so his parents could take him to court the next day. The house is in McCalla and he needed a ride to Brookwood (which is like FOREVER away). Yeah he walked to McCalla some weeks ago and has been living there for a while. Well he was due in court and needed to get home so charges weren’t brought up against HIS PARENTS for abandoning him. Of course they refused to come get him so that’s where the great big blue taxi cab (aka my truck) comes into play. Well either way I don’t mind because I love hanging out with these kids. The kid that was due in court and another friend at the house BOTH BECAME BELIEVERS over the weekend. I had nothing to do with that btw I just wanted to brag on them. I suppose what I’m getting at is these kids are awesome. They are totally raw and street savvy and their parents couldn’t give a flying flip about them. They’ve been kicked out of school and kicked out of their homes but their smart enough to know how to survive and are smart enough to know they need the Lord. To me that means they’re awesome. And it makes me feel selfish because my life has been all cream puffs and pastries comparatively. What makes it worse is these kids live off of next to nothing. Some get food stamps while others “borrow” money from their parents or relatives when they’re around. They have never stolen anything from me but of course I buy them dinner every chance I get.

But bringing me to my point. Why should the church spend $25k a year on me so that I can hang out with these students when the money would be better spent buying food and healthcare for them? It simply doesn’t make sense. What’s worse is I would have to justify it to the kids. They would see me having a job where I got to hang out with them but they don’t get paid to do that. So the church would be setting the example of “hey if you make yourself into a comfortable little Christian we’ll pay you to do nothing”. I know that’s not the right attitude but I’m telling you that is what these students would think. They wouldn’t be bitter about it but what example am I setting if I quit my job to hang out with students all day?

And then there is [1 Corinthians 9:3-14]. Basically Paul is saying “hey you people take some money and support those who spread the Gospel”. Not that I’m bragging but I feel like I do that. But that’s the quandary. It is Biblical for me to be supported in this, and yet the world in which my students live is much more worthy of support. I could write a book about the cultural and social dynamics at work here. It is mind bottling to say the least.

Remember at the beginning of this post I said I can't seem to make the numbers fit. What that means is I take down all of the bills and living expenses I have and then I take what incoming I need in order to pay for that stuff. When it comes to ministry supporting me it never seems to add up. But maybe that IS my problem. Where's the faith in that? If I know I have guaranteed income then its not really a sacrifice I'm making is it? I digress. I can’t seem to let go of control of those things but I’m scared to move out in faith if I’m unsure of what God says. Either way my students and I need some freakin’ money.

Long December

Well I must say I had a particularly good end of 2008. Traveled to Colorado with my brother, father, and step-mom for some ski time in Beaver Creek. We ate very well, had a lot of fun, and relaxed. After CO I traveled the beautiful Alabama Gulf Coast for some beach time with the students. The retreat was amazing despite my stress and lack of sleep. The students simply never stop amazing me.

Of course all of you already knew what I had been up to. I just wanted to post something on my blog for the archives. Hopefully sometime I'll get around to posting some pictures of both trips.

I got a camera

I got a new camera and it is cool. Here are some pictures. These are the best out of like a gazillion I've taken.

Youth and the InnerChange

I just responded to an email from Mike. I feel exhausted. You know how sometimes you get rolling on a thought and you keep writing...and writing...and writing.

There's a lot of youth that come to our church. A lot. Sit with Josh sometime and go through the pictures he has. Go to our myspace. Go to Jenny's site. Go to battleground or the Fish. I would say in the last five years, since the InnerChange has been alive, we have ministered to THOUSANDS of students. Maybe more. And we HAVE seen lives changed. We HAVE seen disciples being born.

And we've seen hurt. We've lived through the downs of life and the pits of death.

I think the ICY team is getting burned out. We've been carrying a heavy load...school, work, painting, cleaning, planning, teaching, relationship drama, life drama. And then I sit here and I take a second...just a second...to reflect on what has happened and what God has done. And then I remember, I'm not done yet. There is more to do.

When Lee went to heaven I know God said "well done my good and faithful servant". He and Cathy did a great job. All of the students, all of the youth ministries, Lee had a hand in. He built the first skate park for crying out loud. He started ICY in Mike's garage. He planned with Jennifer to get the Fish at the IC. Now God has brought him home, and He has entrusted this wonderful thing to us.

There is a mountain to climb to attain our goals. There's a lot more that needs to be done. More planning, more painting, more cleaning, more building, more systems. But all of that is to bring to life the vision that God has given us. And He has given us vision. I know it.

There is a time for rebuilding our Jerusalem. Our sacred city of refuge from the world, our place of worship. That time is now. (my interpretation of Micah 7:11)

Malnutrition?

This is me being sad. For no particular reason I came home from the gym last night in a foul mood. I have been in the same foul mood this morning.

Well, there actually are some pretty good reasons to be sad. First of all, I gained a pound yesterday because I ate like a pig. I went to an "all-you-can-eat" sushi buffet and literally ate "all-that-I-could-eat". For dinner, I had Milo's...double cheeseburger, french fries, extra sauce, apple pie. After all that food, I go to the gym expecting a miracle and what do you know, I gained a pound. At the sight of gaining a pound I loose all confidence in dieting and working out and I resolve within myself that it is all pointless and I should just give up. I came home and put on my sad face.

I hopped in the shower, talked to God a little bit, and decided that it was my fault I gained a pound. I remembered that dieting really is working, and regardless of how much weight I gain or loose it is worth it to live a healthier life. I decided to take a picture of my sad face so that I can document exactly how ridiculous my mood swings are sometimes.

My lymph-nodes are swollen. It took me awhile to decide that those crazy giant bumps in several peculiar places might actually be important. At first i didn't think anything of it. When they didn't "go away" and I decided they were lymph-nodes, I did a little more research. Having lymph-nodes swollen in multiple places is really really not a good thing. From what I gathered off of web-md, it means you either have cancer OR your body is fighting off an infection. Well I haven't been noticeably sick, other than a few sniffles. So I did what all rational men do...I panicked. I started thinking I had cancer. It scared the shit out of me. Then I read another article online that said I should wait at least a month before I officially panicked. Because your lymph-nodes are part of your lymphatic system, they are prone to react to changes in your body's cycles. What I've determined is I have recently drastically changed my physical activities and I've recently struggled with pollen, therefore my lymph-nodes have swollen. I noticed yesterday that they have gone down considerably.

There are two things that I am tired of dealing with; painting the youth room, and girls.

This is a picture of me just after finishing the ceiling in the youth room. My fingernails still have black crap showing. I'm tired of my work-neighbors telling me I should shower. My feet hurt just thinking about painting. I'm tired of stressing over that stupid freaking paint-gun.

Seriously, when I dream, I dream about having a theater where we can play rock band and show movies. I think about the students that could come and enjoy our drinks, our popcorn, and maybe learn a thing or two about Jesus. I guess it doesn't matter how tired I am of painting. The painting is only the process by which we will "earn" a platform for ministry. God has challenged me, and I want to meet that challenge.

I am tired of dealing with girls. I have awesome girls in my life. There's not a single girl-friend (not girlfriend) in my life that I don't love dearly. But really, girls are from another planet. I don't understand. I may never understand. At the peak of my dismay, the point to which I'm ready to give up and never try again, I fall back into "the trap". You know, I've realized that I CAN be single. I've been single for years and years. Last girlfriend -> 1 month ago. Last girlfriend before her -> 6 months. Last girlfriend before her -> 3 years. Last girlfriend before her -> 2 years. I know I can be single. Things are so much more simple when I'm single. Make sense? Of course it doesn't :)

This post is in honor of Kendall and Staci. Both girls. Both crazy. It is impossible for me to completely understand them. Yet I love them both dearly, and they frequently post random factoids about their life. So I decided to imitate.