To Dethrone Kings

Today I began preparing for 21 days of prayer and fasting. About two weeks ago I was starting to feel sorry because of the weight I had gained over the last year and my frustrated attempts at losing it. I finally had a moment where it hit me that I simply was not strong enough to do this on my own and I began to reach out to God. He very gently reminded me of a few issues and the inward-out-transformation process began.

A while back I had come to a realization that I was actually addicted to food. I don't have the time or energy or even the memory to explain how or why I came to that conclusion but every logical thought I have in this matter seems to confirm it. I turn to food when I am happy. I turn to food when I am sad. I turn to food when I am bored. The only times I don't turn to food are times when I am unable, and then turn to food as soon as I can. I use food as a coping mechanism. I use food to celebrate. You name it, I ate it.

God reminded me of this fact and around the same time I not-so-coincidentally saw this sermon posted online. I listened intently as Pastor Chris described my dilemma and the mixed emotions of addictive behavior. In the sermon he carefully explains that addiction stems from idolatry, and that in it's essence idolatry is simply granting things other than God a higher place in your heart. The allegory used is that you are putting something other than God on the throne of your heart. God is still there, but He's not the King. The simple solution is to dethrone those other kings, and I will do that by fasting and prayer.

I started preparing yesterday. I've been on raw fruits and vegetables and today is my first day without caffeine. Tomorrow I start to fast.

So far things have been good. I had a really great day yesterday with some powerful prayer during lunch. Today I have felt quite sluggish and that caffeine-headache is coming on slowly. Hopefully by the weekend I will feel normal physically, but pumped spiritually.

My Sheep Will Hear My Voice

So there's this bible verse I've been thinking about lately. It is Jesus talking to his disciples and the religious leaders and he says something like "You crazy pharisees. You don't understand me because you are not my sheep. My sheep will recognize my voice and follow me."*

I have been really struggling with this verse lately. There's one problem in my life I just can't figure out. Well this isn't really a problem as much as it is a fork in the road. I'm not sure which direction to take. There's definitely one path I would prefer, but I'd be cool with the other. Neither of them lead away from righteousness so I can't make decisions on that. But I'm anxious to know which path is right so I can be settled on it. So I pray "Hey God if this isn't right, man close this door. Otherwise tell me what to do! What path do I take?"

So I've been sitting patiently every night (almost) for the last few weeks praying mostly about this one particular thing. I'll sit on my porch, which is the most peaceful place in my life, and just talk to God. Sometimes I'll beg, sometimes I'll whine, and sometimes I'm cool with everything...but I mention this problem every single night.

Now here's an issue mmkay. Some nights I will hear God clear as a bell, and the next I won't. Instead of hearing God clearly I'll hear myself: my heart, my mind, my flesh, the devil, whatever. But I don't always hear God, which really sucks. When I do hear God He doesn't give me the details I want. He just says stuff like "Be patient. You're doing great. I love you. Let go of control." Well that definitely doesn't settle me down hahaha. Which is why I struggle with this verse. I'm God's sheep aren't I? Why don't I always hear and recognize His voice?

At least I'm aware enough to realize the devil speaks to me, and I speak to myself. After all I'm just trying to scam my way into my own selfish desires and not God's. So that's probably the central problem: me wanting my way instead of the Right Way.

So here's another piece of this problem pie. I think the reason I'm staying so "committed" to praying about this, is because I'm hoping God will change His answers to suit my desires. Sounds crazy I know, but I keep praying and I'm sure He's staying the same, but I keep asking JUST IN CASE something changes. To make matters worse God hasn't closed the door to this problem, in fact He might have opened the door in the first place.

"Ugh. You're such an idiot." - Napoleon Dynamite

So the rest of the verse (I suck at) goes kinda like this: "My sheep know and trust my voice. I walk into the pen where they are held and I call them by name. I know them and they know me. I lead them out of the pen and we go for a stroll because they trust me."

God has plans, He really does. And honestly I'm extremely blessed to even have problems like this: things I can take to God and be like "Help me out here." Its a blessing to be surrounded by Godly people that make me grow closer to God, instead of growing closer to myself. So God has this problem all figured out, and if I would just let go of control and follow him out of the freakin' pen then I would realize that.

* Mathew 10:25-30

Meditation, Part 3

I will now answer the question of what to do, essentially "how", to start meditating. You may have been hoping for some ancient chant, a zen-like monologue that will cleanse your spirit and highlight your soul, unfortunately for us all there is no such magic.

The way I meditate is simple. It can be summed up in one word...remember. I simply sit down and I begin to remember what God has done in my life.

Raj told me the easiest way to start meditating was to sit down and remember the most powerful moment in your spiritual life. He suggested that you start by remembering as many details as you can; where you were, who you were with, how you were sitting, what you were doing, what were you praying, the events that led up to that moment. After remembering the details, begin to remember the feeling, the emotion: Were you happy, were you sad, were you at rock bottom, did God comfort you?

Stay in that moment as long as you possibly can. Trying to remember the details helps you focus your mind, and once you are focused start to reflect on the glory of God at that moment. Do your best to stay focused. Cut out as much of the physical world as possible, so it can truly be just you and God. If your mind starts to wander, try to move onto another significant moment. If you can't quickly transition to another memory, then try to reflect on God. Always speak to Him and expect Him to speak back. Go into this with an open mind, and expect Him to meet you there. Focus on His presence. Try to feel His comforting hand. You might even transition into praising the Lord, and go with that.

When you're mind starts to wander too much, when you loose concentration, when you are thinking more about how hungry you are or how much your butt hurts...then its over. There's no point in forcing it. If you force it you'll just be bored, and you'll develop a distaste for meditation. You may only be able to meditate for 5 minutes. I usually only meditate for about 10. That's why we have to practice. Remember our talk yesterday? Just go with the flow, and give it another shot tomorrow.

That's it. No more excuses not to try right.

Last Disclaimer: I wanted to add, again, that I am a complete meditation noob. All of the things I shared here are based on my experiences since a few weeks back, and based on my short Indian friend. I just wanted to share with you because it has touched me. I just feel that it is relevant because I'm learning these techniques from a different culture, and I'm learning that it really works. Raj made the comment that Hindu gurus have been teaching these techniques to people for thousands of years, so there must be some Truth behind them. After trying for myself, I believe he is right.

Although there is some danger involved. The Bible says quite frankly that we should be mindful at all times. What that is saying to me is that we should not train ourselves to be "empty-minded". Thanks to Joey for pointing this out to me :) In other cultures, the purpose of meditation is often to clear your mind, to be at peace, to be in a tranquil state. As Christians, the purpose of meditation should never be to reach the state of an empty mind. I feel strongly that meditation is just a platform to reach God on a deeper level. Of course we should pray all of the time, but I felt I needed a way to have focused concentration and communion with Him. And I think I've found some great ways of doing that through meditation.

The big point here...is that we need to PRAY. Seriously PRAY. How often do we PRAY? Get it...

Well that's it. All that I know about meditation. If I reach any new levels of spiritual enlightenment I'll let you know :) I'm really hoping to have an experience like Ace Ventura where I reach a plane of floating on clouds and the Dali Lama is there to help me sort out my problems :P

Peace and Grace, Zane

Meditation, Part 2

In this post, I would like to address two things that Jenny brought up in her comments from yesterday's post. First of all, I want to talk about posture for meditating. Secondly I want to talk about "public" meditation, and using "tools" during meditation.

One of the things that my Hindu guide was extremely stern on was posture. He made it absolutely clear how I should sit and where I should sit. I spoke about the importance of sitting on the floor yesterday. I'm not sure what all of the benefits of sitting on the floor during meditation are, but Raj was insistent that I sit on the floor. He also noted, that if for some reason I was physically incapable of sitting on the floor, I should sit as close to the floor as possible.

He also described posture to me. During meditation your legs need to be relaxed. Now this means that they could be in front of you, but sitting in the crossed position (we called this Indian-style, how ironic this seems to me now) will allow the most blood flow and will also encourage the proper back position. Your back should not be slouched. You should be sitting as up-right as possible. You should also be prepared to sit for a long time. Sitting upright in Indian-style can put strain on your lower back and legs. To relieve some of this strain I suggest sitting with your butt on a blanket or board, to open up the blood flow a little more. Your arms should simply be sitting on your legs in a resting position. No funky finger/hand signals are required :)

Now if you are anything like me, this isn't the most comfortable position. What I find the most amazing about the meditation posture, is how it encourages a healthy body. I have found that my lower back gets tired and sore very quickly. This is most likely due to the excessive weight on the front side pulling me down, in order to compensate my back has to do twice as much work to hold myself upright. Damn gravity!

I try to maintain a good posture as long as I can. When I get tired I try to shift a little to be more comfortable, but ultimately my discomfort breaks my concentration and ends the session. The point; keep practicing, get in better shape, and live to meditate again.

Remember, the point of good posture is to unify your body with your mind and spirit. Your mind should be as free from distraction as possible, and that includes your flesh. Can I get a woot woot from the Christians in the house?

Now on to meditating in public. Learning this simple fact was very humbling. I shared this briefly in my first post on meditation. The fact is, my mind is incapable of meditating in public. I am simply too immature and ill-equipped. When I first heard that, I was arrogant. However, after trying meditation I have realized that it does take practice to fine-tune your mind for concentration. There is really no other way to say it than that.

We must practice and dedicate ourselves to be mentally capable of removing the distractions of a public setting.

The same rule applies to tools such as prayer beads, incense, etc. We don't want the tools to take precedence over the experience with God. There are tons of these things that can make our experience richer, however we have to be prepared first. Personally, I am not quite there. But that's a blessing, because it will give me more time to think of my prayer for the prayer beads.

Again, I just want to remind you I am not an expert. I am only speaking about what I've tried and what Raj told me. All of the things Raj told me I cite, so unless I say...Raj told me...then I'm just speaking from experience. Hopefully by the end of the work day I'll write a post about the thought process of meditating. That should be my final meditation post.

Peace and Grace, Zane

Meditation, Part 1

I am ready to share some of my experiences with you. I believe I should start with a personal note. If you learn anything from these posts, my hope is that the overall message would be a Gospel message. I recognize that I may reference Hinduism as my guiding force, but the overall Truth to me is that Christ is real. My ultimate mentor, my ultimate hope, my reason for belief, and the purpose of my spiritual quest is to grow closer to God. I believe that gaining direct access to God can only be accomplished because of Christ's sacrifice, and the Holy Spirit. With that in mind, understand that I believe there is a great deal about spiritual journey, self-discovery, and discipline that we can learn from other cultures. In my life, there are some very cool and very honest Hindus that have taught me these methods of meditation. If you want to debate universal truth, the Hindu religion, or just want to be a "stick in the mud", don't respond here...I don't want to partake in any of that.

On to the meat. Meditation has become a very powerful part of my prayer life. The days that I take the time to properly meditate I feel refreshed and overjoyed by connecting with the creator. I want this to be interactive and fun. If you have any questions please ask. If I don't know the answer I would love to ask Raj or Ramya or Sayli about it, and let them be the teacher.

The first thing I want to tell you about it is the "sacred" parts of meditation. After several conversations with Raj I began to realize that there are very few sacred parts of my life. I don't even understand the meaning of sacred very well, but with his (Raj's) help I am learn that there are parts of my life that should be totally separate from one another. For example, praying and driving to work should be kept separate. I can't exactly concentrate on driving if I'm speaking to God, and I can't exactly search deep within myself if I'm driving. I'm either going to wreck my car or have a shallow prayer. How about this, reading the Bible and using the restroom don't exactly mix. I have often found myself guilty of this. Sure I can read the Bible in that spare time, but I either lose the deep meaning of the Holy Word or I don't get the full enjoyment out of that private time. Now you may be thinking "Zane there is nothing wrong with either of those things". And if you are thinking that, you are right. There is nothing sinful about that. But I believe you are getting the short end of the stick if you supplement your private time with God with private time with God and another activity. We need to have time in our day that is solely dedicated to God and our heart's desire for Him. By focusing your entire mind, body, and spirit on Him you can gain significantly more than when you are multi-tasking. Does that make sense?

Through proper meditation, you are providing God a platform where only He and you are the center of attention. There are essential parts of meditation that should not be compromised. By following these steps you are making your meditation time sacred. That is to say, you are making this place in your life set apart solely for God.

Here are the first steps:

• Find a place in your house where you can sit on the floor
  
• This place in your house should be distraction free, ie. no television, no books/magazines (other than the Bible), no children, no pets. It should be the equivalent of what Christ taught when he said, go to the closet, shut the door, and then pray
• If you are serious about meditation, then this place in your house should only be used for meditation. In other words, it should not be your office where you also work, it should not be your bedroom where you also sleep. If you don't have a lot of spare space, you should find a little used corner in your house where the only thing you do in that corner is pray/meditate.
• After you've found your spot, find some meditation clothes. Find a set of clothes that are just plain (mine are pajamas) and set them aside for meditation. You will only wear those clothes when you meditate/pray. Put them on before you begin, take them off when you are finished. Simple right.

The special place in your house, the floor, the clothes, all of these things are to help you make this experience sacred. Meditation doesn't begin when you sit down, it begins by mentally preparing yourself to experience God. When you expect great things, great things happen. These techniques are not meant to be religious or restrictive, they are meant to help you get your mind ready and free from distraction before you begin. By creating this routine, you are actually training your mind to focus. This will become a special process by which you reach out to God and He responds. Putting on the clothes, sitting in your spot will tell you its time to get serious, its time to communicate. Its like when you smell something cooking, you're telling your stomach...hey you are about to get some food, get ready.

After you've finished completing those tasks, then check back on the blog. I will hopefully have the next steps outlined. I would go deeper, but I'm tired of typing.

Peace and Grace, Zane