Big Fishing Trip

I am going on a big fishing trip this weekend. We are leaving tonight. I am so excited about going, so much so that I can't seem to do anything but think about fish. I really doubt any work will get done today.

So I decided to tell you all about it, and post some pictures from last years trip. That's a picture of me pulling in a brown last year. I let this one go because he wasn't that big. Not a keeper.

In all honesty. I am not really a good fisherman. I just love doing it. I love buying the tackle. I love getting in a boat. I love the action of casting and retrieving. I really love to hook a fish, even if it doesn't happen that often. I love being with the guys.

This is an emotional trip too. Lee took a bunch of us guys fishing to the same place, the same time last year. I remember he pissed me off so bad. By the time we got home I was sick of him. We were in the boat one day, and Chris Alvis and LeAlan were pulling in trout after trout. I was not catching anything. Lee was driving the boat so he wasn't really fishing much, he was letting us do all of the catching. Well I got a little "upset" because I could not hook a fish. Lee finally got tired of my bitching and he said "give me yer rod". So I gave him my rod. Literally, the first cast he hooked a big rainbow trout. Bigger than anything I had caught the entire trip. My ears turned blood red. He pulled the fish in and handed it to me to put in the live well. Then he just kind of smiled, that stupid/goofy smart-ass smile. There was this awkward silence for a moment. Lee then just handed me my rod, and I resumed fishing. I finally got into a rhythm after that.

On the drive home, LeAlan and I were two seconds from pulling the car over and walking home. Chris and Lee talked non-stop on the drive. Telling lame fish story after story. And none of them were true. LeAlan gave me this look that said "omg I'm going to go insane". I agreed.

Well we all know what happened two weeks after we got home. Somehow, that made our fishing trip that much more special. I cherish those memories now. It was absolutely everything I want to remember Lee for. This year, the same crew is going back. Same place. Same lodge. Just minus Lee. It is almost like a tribute to be going. I feel compelled to go. If they had told me at work that I can't take the time off, I would have quit. I'm sure we'll tell Lee stories. I'm sure I'll cry at least once for missing him. At the end of the day though, I hope to honor him by catching a fish :)

Peace and Grace, Zane

Not Public / Blog Guidelines

I don't have anything of value to post. I really would like to blog more often, however it is hard to just make stuff up to talk about. I would like to blog more often, simply because its fun. It is nice to have a random thought, share it through a blog, and then wait for people to respond. That brings me to my next point. We should comment on other's blogs more often. This makes blogging more fun because it completes the circle of bloglife. Without the comments blogs seem impersonal, bleak, and boring.

By the way, I do have stuff I would like to blog about. However, it is too personal to blog at this time. Josh, my roommate, suggested that we not share so much personal stuff on public blogs. Sometimes personal stuff should not be carelessly thrown into the blogosphere. I say a good rule of thumb is if you can't say it in real life, then you shouldn't be blogging about it.

To make up for my lack of quality blog, I will post some funny emergency warning signs. You can find the rest at safenow.org.





If a door is closed, karate chop it open.











If your building collapses, climb under your table and practice yoga postures.









Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. The current world record is 5 minutes, 12 seconds.

I pray

...that one day my head will be small enough to fit in the entire picture!

They say that the camera adds 10 pounds. Let's stick with that excuse.


In response to Staci's pictures. (No explanation needed)

to be blessed

In honor of this being Easter weekend, I am going to take a moment and reflect on where I am spiritually right now...

For some reason I want to compare "to be blessed" with "to be continued". I guess that's where I am spiritually right now, it is "to be continued".

I feel like I was running through the desert in 2006. I was in some dry spots, there wasn't anything very refreshing spiritually, no water, no shade (I was constantly in the heat), I could relax a little at night when I could hide from the sun. But I was making progress in that desert. I was running when I could. Pushing forward, forcing myself to to go farther, forcing myself to keep on going no matter what. Never give up, never give in (as I've heard a famous lyricist once say).

Just as in 2006, I started off running in 2007. I was moving and shaking. Making good decisions, making progress. Finally, I found some contentment with the desert I was in. I had found some friends along the way. I wasn't alone anymore. Finally I had people to share with. People who knew what commitment it took to keep running. I started to believe that I could live in the desert, that I could survive there. I started to slow down, I didn't stop running, but I switched from a sprint to a jog. Finally, some relief.

And then it happened. Whooosh. Quicksand. In an instant, I lost complete control. Up to my neck in hot muddy sand. Something had happened to me in that desert that literally stopped my spiritual journey all together. 2007 was bleak after that. No running. No water. Exhaustion from it all. The weight of the sand on my chest squeezed me. I had little left. I've been in this quicksand, unable to fight back. Knowing the struggle of getting out might take my life, but sitting in this hot box trap is not a healthy way to live.

There's always hope...

Slowly. I recover. I realize that I'm not alone in this sand trap. I have friends who have fallen too. Though I may not be able to lift myself out, I know that we can lift each other out. We lose some along the way. Together we grab hold, cling together, fighting with passion and persistence. Together we refuse to give in to death.

Now I'm close to being completely out. I'm no longer sinking. I'm starting to recover, to regain strength, to regain passion. I start to jog. Suddenly I stop looking back at the death that lays behind, and I look towards the path in front of me. I see a jungle. It is very green, full of sweet fruits, and refreshing water. I thirst for the jungle. I see it clearly now. Soon I will begin sprinting again.

In the back of my mind I know the jungle presents challenges. There are dangers waiting for me in there as well, but there's also nourishment. Its where I'm called to survive. I'm not a desert dweller, I'm a jungle lover. The jungle is where I was born.

The jungle is imminent now. I will be there soon. God will bring the jungle to me, I know it. I believe it in faith. He trusts me though I do not trust myself. He encourages me even when I discourage myself. He is my rescuer. He is my resolve.

Anyway, big Easters plans?

Zane

Hope Is...

This is our moment
Will you stand with me?
Hope is not lost
Hope is not lost

Let the strength
Of your words
Be the spark
That ignites the flame
Proclaim your freedom
Give voice to your liberation

This is my confession
Mark these words - we will rise

Weep no more
We will prevail
Grieve no more
We will prevail

- Hope Is... by Killswitch Engage

I love these lyrics. When I saw the song title on my iPod I had to look it up. I'm trying to adopt the phrase "there's always hope". I think I've been pretty successful at it. I read this song and I was like hellz yeah, these guys get it too. Of course this isn't a Christian band, and there's some anti-religious remarks in the song as well. But I say good for them. They're speaking what's on their hearts, and they are telling thousands of teenagers that hope is not lost. Hallelujah for that.

Nothing new to report.

Its funny, but I say "there's nothing new to report". That is a typical response from me to the question "what's going on?". Its funny, because that is actually never the case. There is always something new to report, or something old that has become new, or something has changed. Right?

I would die of boredom if there literally was never anything new to report.

Drugs are bad...mmmkay.

My mom is coming into town tonight. I am very excited. I hope she gets to come down to the house and see everything. If not, that's cool. I know she will be busy with wedding planning and such, but it would be great to get her down to the house and maybe even church.

I really don't have any news to report, just wanted to talk :P

Precipice?

If the definition of precipice is "a situation of great peril" I feel like I am there right now. But peril is a funny word. I feel like I was happily sitting in my box, and someone just walked over and turned the box upside down. Now I'm left with the same crap, just a different arrangement. And now the question is, what do I do with all of this crap? Do I clean up and try to put things back to where they were, or do I use the opportunity to re-arrange a little? You know, set up things up a bit different.

A motivational speaker would say "seize the moment". I don't feel like seizing anything. I've grabbed on too hard to my normal, and that's why I'm in this hole in the first place. I just want to leap off, knowing I may splatter when I hit the bottom, but there's a chance, even if it is a small chance, that I'll learn how to fly.

I often feel like my life is passing me by. There are so many things I would like to experience in life, but I always manage to make an excuse. Too many times that excuse is money. Thank you Mike for telling us to stop poor mouthing. I know you said it in the context of our church finances, but I really needed that for myself.

There are several things over the last 10 months I really regret. Often they are associated with hurting the people that I love. I'm terribly sorry for that. I have a nice house. It is clean and new and the brick makes it masculine just enough. Inside is warm, a friendly atmosphere. But there's still dirt in my closets, soap-scum in the shower, a smelly refrigerator, and many places seem hollow and bare. I should work on that.

For all of you web-nerds. Two websites you should check out. This guy travels the world and dances. If I ever get over my anxiety, I would like to stand on the kjeragbolten.