Obscure Life Update

Well there has been a lot going on lately. I have had several good friends mention things about life change, career/school decisions, and I thought I would throw my life update in.

You may recall some months back I preached at church. Rather than try to follow Mike's lesson plan I just kinda went with what was on my heart. I talked about purpose and passion, and how God plants these seeds of fire in you that we are meant to pursue. After all a career in a lucrative field is fine and dandy but a journey with the Lord is much more fun. At the time I was not happy with my job, but not simply because of the job. I was unhappy with my career choice. This culminated with my trip to Wyoming when I clearly heard "simplify your life", knowing that I had to stop software engineering as a private venture.

So I did that. I stopped developing outside of work. Then I changed jobs, which you've read the update here. All of this was in the midst of becoming "the" youth minister. After it was all done I still felt restless. I know God has purpose not in the past or in the future, but right now. I was having a hard time seeing it.

But then things started to unfold. About two weeks ago I had this conversation with Mike, and after wards things began to get clearer and clearer. Finally I feel like I see a paved road in front of me. Not a dirt road with twists and turns through the forest: An actual paved road. I feel like God has set some things in motion that cannot be easily described, but I see them. Looking back I now realize some very mysterious things He was doing, and while I was sitting there sorry for myself I was missing it. There is peace in seeing God's hands at work.

My restlessness has settled down quit a bit since then. I have been trying really hard not to tell everyone all the stuff that's been going on. I just don't want to blow it before it all actually happens you know? That's why this is supposed to be an "obscure" life update. But still I have let details slip out because I am just so freaking excited about it.

Best of all without that restlessness I am able to be present. I am reacting to what's going on now rather than what I want to happen or what's happened in the past. I am living now, not living then or not will be living, I am alive now.

So I suppose I have some encouragement for my friends who are in similar spots. This is for you guys who are also looking for the paved path. Maybe you're asking yourself should I change jobs, should I change schools, should I move away or dig in deeper here? Its tough deciding what to do, but read the word and be IN God. The answers will come. You might have to patiently wait for something, but if you're looking you will find it. And as an added bonus we have each other. A community of people searching for the same answers in different contexts. There's power in each other, so use what resources you do have. (John 15:7, Psalms 119:105, Jeremiah 29:13)

Ya Heard, Zane

Long December

Well I must say I had a particularly good end of 2008. Traveled to Colorado with my brother, father, and step-mom for some ski time in Beaver Creek. We ate very well, had a lot of fun, and relaxed. After CO I traveled the beautiful Alabama Gulf Coast for some beach time with the students. The retreat was amazing despite my stress and lack of sleep. The students simply never stop amazing me.

Of course all of you already knew what I had been up to. I just wanted to post something on my blog for the archives. Hopefully sometime I'll get around to posting some pictures of both trips.

A Time to Rock

Let me give you some background into my music career.

I started playing the drums when I was in 4th grade. For Christmas that year my mom bought me a snare drum. I started taking lessons, but they didn't last very long because the instructor was a burned out pot-smoking McDonald's-type. Soon enough I was just jamming on my own. I played that drum non-stop. I would create patterns and rhythms to songs that didn't even make sense and certainly did not accompany the song itself.

I was happy with my one drum, and I had no idea my mother had plans to purchase a full kit. She just couldn't afford to buy it all at once so the guy at the music shop (a tiny local shop that is no longer in business) allowed my mom to purchase one drum at a time until we had a full set. By my birthday the next year I had a bass drum and a high-hat. On Christmas I got my crash and ride cymbals. Finally, by 6th grade I had a full set.

For some reason there is something about waiting for my full kit that really made me love the drums. At the time the only room in the house I could keep my kit was in the living room. So everyday my mom would get home from work and my brother would get home from football and I'd be sitting there, stereo blasting to Hendrix or Black Sabbath or Pearl Jam and I'd just be rocking out. I remember my mom would give me like 20 or 30 minutes and then she'd yell "That's ENOOOUUUGGHHHH". My brother, being a typical older brother, would say mean stuff like "Mom tell him to quit he's never going to be any good". Of course that didn't stop my brother from recruiting me to his band when he started one when I was in 6th grade. I remember those days, how much I loved playing the drums.

Of course I grew up, got a job, got a girlfriend, got a Playstation, found Jesus. All of these things distracted me from playing the drums. I remember the highlight of my day would be getting home early in the afternoon and having 1 or 2 hours to practice all to myself. Then things changed and I changed. I no longer practiced everyday but I kept playing in bands. My brother's band (Golem) cost me $175 to record a demo before Zak went off to college while my other band (Ember) was just ramping up. Things were good musically. It was these days that shaped my taste in music that still persists today. I love hardcore, hard rock, and classic rock. That's because I played it in bands and at home with headphones.

I guess that's why I still do it today. I love music and I love playing music. When I was looking for a house to buy, the first (some would argue the only) thing I was looking for was a room to put my drums. I don't care about hardwood floors or crown molding or granite counter tops. I have all of that and it is nice, but I really needed a room that didn't touch outside walls to keep as my drum room.

There's just something special about stepping behind that kit, turning into a kid again, and just going bananas. I'm not the fastest, most technical, best sounding player by any means. But I play with heart. I don't care about mistakes because I'm usually too much into the music and the raw feeling of sticks on drums to notice. Every time I dream about winning the lottery the first thing I buy is a bunch of drums.

Truly a love of my life.

Quick Updates

Well I wanted to post something rather than nothing, so here are some quick life updates. In the past 10 days...

- Youth Specialties was truly amazing. Surrounding myself with best friends in a magnificent city and being passionately immersed into a ministry culture that still feels fresh and life giving after 5 1/2 years was nice :)

- Thanksgiving was also excellent. Mad props to the wonderful folks and wonderful food and lots of laughs.

- Grandma died, which sucks. The worst part is the event highlights the broken communication with my dad and his family. It feels like pushing snowballs uphill...sometimes you work so hard to gain so little ground.

- NOLA with my mom and Leo. It was a long day of driving but totally worth it. Got some great fried chicken at Fiorella's. By the way the French Quarter is full of life and beautiful this time of year.

- Bama won. Woot Woot.

- Put up Christmas lights on my house for the first time in my life and it looks awesome (only to be outdone by Josh and Johnathan decorating the inside.) The house looks amazing, you simply must stop by and check out our take on Christmas decorations.

- Prayer life has been awesome since YS. I got back into the habit of meditating and praying every (almost) night. Good good stuff. I meditated for around 20 minutes last night, really good stuff.

- Nicks grandma died. What the crap Jesus? Feel bad for him, I think he was closer to his than I was to mine.

- Granddaddy Jim (Jordan, Jarrod, Devin's granddad) is in the hospital. Seriously, Jesus?

- Back on the diet. Go me.

Whew...there's more but I think that's enough for now.

New Job Update

I realize I haven't posted any news about the new job. The basics: I really like the job because of the people. Big surprise there right? The work is better. I am enjoying it more and I can definitely see the potential for it to be more rewarding than my previous job. But I just don't care about any of that. I enjoy people and the people at my new job are cool.

After being here a few weeks I feel like I've learned a little bit about most of the people I work with. There is a fellow Eagle Scout and he serves as my quasi-manager. He is also into some cool jams (he gave me all of Dropkick Murphy's cds.) There are two people, one older and one younger, who are strong believers. Typically that doesn't matter much to me, but somehow there's a level of comfort by having people around who just "get it." My lifestyle often generates a lot of curious questions from people who don't. One my favorite peeps is this super cool/mellow little hippie guy who plays bass in a couple bands. We talk about music, guns, Tuscaloosa, and anything in between. There's a young gentleman who plays WoW and is awaiting the release of StarCraft II, and therefore I immediately formed a friendship with him. I also work with a fellow iPhoner and he has become the funniest guys in the office to me. Whatever he says crack me up, I've left crying a few times...great guy. There is a die-hard Auburn fan who seems to be in denial and though I don't work with him much he seems pretty sure of himself. Finally my boss, who I know the least about but that might be a good thing.

So there you go. No major incidents thus far. I did fall out of my chair once and knock down my white-board which was embarrassing, but I got over it.

Take It Back!

On Friday night we played with Take It Back! It was one of the most enjoyable shows I've had with SZ. I really enjoyed meeting the band and catching up with the guys. They all seemed down to Earth just all around good guys.

During the show they mentioned the reasons the band was formed. TIB was formed because the hardcore scene has lost its love for God. Contrary to what many people believe hardcore is deeply rooted in a punk movement towards God (and other alternative lifestyles). The fact remains that while many punk/hardcore kids were turning towards partying, many were turning to celibate/drug-free/Christian ideals. Some were Christian, some were not, but many were embracing a life of love and clean-living in order to achieve a fulfillment that's not possible with drugs/booze/sex. The scene has definitely walked away from that...at least it has in Birmingham and Fayetville, AR where TIB is from.

It was a just a breathe for fresh air to hear another band speak of that. I know we talk about in our lyrics, but TIB in a subtle way called out a lot of people. I love the music behind hardcore, but the passion and message is more important. Bands have stopped standing for things, and just started acting like Rock Stars...and it is really getting old.

TIB stands for Truth and "reformation" in the scene. I'm on board with them.

Good Leadership

Proverbs 20:28 - "Love and truth form a good leader; sound leadership is founded on loving integrity."

For some reason I am really struggling with my leadership role at church. I just assumed it would be an easy transition and my role would not change that much. I was recklessly wrong.

I found this scripture yesterday. There is so much information in the Bible about leadership but for some reason this verse stuck out to me. I feel I should reevaluate my actions in light of these things, starting with love.

Love after all is the most important commandment according to Jesus. I should show my team and students that I love them. Even when I disagree or see a need for correction, my actions should be dictated by the same divine Love that corrects me.

Secondly is Truth. I left Wyoming with such a charisma for honesty, and yet somehow the opportunity to impart that has slipped through my fingers. I believe honesty is key to having a successful team. Yet I find myself holding my tongue or holding back words because it is more difficult to be honest than it is to be civil with one another. Man I need to grow a pair already.

Reckless. Lee was reckless. He was reckless in loving others because he would fight to the death for anyone he led. He was reckless for being true with others because he was a severely honest person. I should have been taking notes.

Grace and Peace, Zane